If there's one thing I've learnt today is that Idiots don't deserve help. Idiots should die.

Now, I have no problem if you have low IQ or you're uncapable of grasping things fast enough, though sometimes I might be annoyed by you.

No, the Idiots I mean are the fucking idiots who have the intelligence to go into Med School, were born lucky enough for their parents to have enough money to finance them but too idiotic that they do not study for a fucking exam.

We were given 30 minutes of preparation. I saw my list of questions and I was so happy that I fell seating into a chair. At last my luck has changed for this exam. My faith was restored.

Pathophysiology of
a] B12-Folic acid deficiency anemia
b] Cytotoxic allergy
c] Nephrotic syndrome

and the fourth question: Pathophysiological EXPERIMENT for goodness sake.

Given 30 minutes, I could answer these questions very well, if not perfectly. I had 5 minutes. You see, I was seated in the middle of a cross, meaning a guy in front, behind, to the left, to the right of me. All asking me to help them at the same fucking time. Not fucking exaggerating.

You have some good luck, right? Spread it out, right? So, I did. I helped them to answer their questions. 2 of them I even answered fully a question each.

I didn't have time to construct my own answers. So there I was, seating in front of the most senior member of the Pathophysiological department with no ammo, cluttering words and jumbling ideas. I answered the best I could at the given situation.

One of the guys I mentioned answered to his own teacher, so there were not many questions. A little unfair, but hey, that's life. But the most annoying thing is the second guy went to the teacher and said, I don't know my questions, I will reseat the exam.

My own result? A fucking 3. I might have be happy with a 4 because I could've answered for a 5 but seeing how during my past two exams, Lady Luck abandoned me, I got 3 for both of them and that, I might reason, affected my current mark. I got to Her good side though today, getting these questions but I had to spoil it by helping people.

I mean, if I had helped a studious person and gotten this rotten mark, I wouldn't be pissed. Well, not as pissed, at any rate. At least I know I helped someone out of their rut. But helping Idiots who deserve to die because of their laziness... Oh Lord Almighty, send thy servant patience so that he mighteth not kill a person today.

Next exam, if somebody asks me for help, I'll straight away report to the person in charge. Or at least I'll ask the person in charge to change my seat. If he asks why, I'd say these bastards are asking me questions.

So, learn from my experience, little children. Be insensitive as hell. Be selfish. In the long run, you're not helping these friends of yours, you're merely burden them with expectations. In the fucking end, most people won't help you and are selfish anyways. Fucking burn and die, Idiots.

Might I add that for the past 44 hours I had 4 hours of sleep?

p.s. This form of therapy works. When you're angry or sad, just write.

Yes, those are men's feet caressing each other. Get over it.

I've met some really really hostile homophobes here, some of them, unfortunately, I call friends. And not conversationally joking either: like OMG, that's so ghey! or why are you so ghey now? But really really homophobes. Homophobes as in I-feel-like-punching-the-guy-when-I-see-him or I-feel-so-disgusted-I-might-puke homophobe. I get it:

1] You like persons of the opposite sex
2] You are not homosexual
3] And you are as straight as a ruler too
4] Homosexuality doesn't conform with your belief

But do these points warrant you judging gay men "worse than shit"? Why do we have the need to persecute these people?

What's with these excessive showing of your manliness by claiming the desire  to hurt gays? Reflect. Are you really insecure about your supposed straightness? Are you a closet homosexual?

People claim that being gay is exclusively by choice.

Some people can't help getting turned on by or fall in love with other men. Is this a choice? Saying that all homosexual urges are choices and then saying how you fell in love at first sight is contradictory, isn't it? You can't explain why you're attracted to a specific person. Haven't you fallen in love or in infactuation with a person before?

Oh, poets say it's the chemistry, it's written in the stars and so on but when you fall in love with a person of your own sex, you're abnormal, you're insulting God or Nature or something.

Might as well say people who have interracial straight relationships are abnormal and going against God's Will too.

Hell, add relationships between people of different interests too or height or weight and so on.

I won't say that there's no such thing as a person choosing to be gay. But why do we see people with homosexual tendencies as sub-humans?

So, okay. Despite all this, you still have an unexplained aversion towards homosexual people. LEARN TO ACCEPT! Many people aren't too happy with all the aspects of your life, either. Your overzealous need to be right. Your overenthusiasm in sport. Your self-pity. But we all learnt to overlook the thing, didn't we?

I have met so many homophobes here that I dream of the day when I will publicly say that I'm gay just to see their reactions. And no, especially Poison Yeh Yeh, I'm not gay. I'm just saying, that's all.

Hell, why don't you find a homophobe who is close to you and disclose to him/her in a very serious tone of your homosexual ways?

Hell, I think I might seriously do it once I start working or something. Goodness knows there's tons of homophobes in Malaysia. I'll even act gay for a month. I'll write a paper on it: Homophobia from the Eyes of the Gay Straight Guy.

I'll probably win a Gay Nobel Prize.

Me, I'm okay with people being gay, as long as they can take a joke. I used to say I'm okay with them as long as they don't hit on me. Retrospectively, hell, if they hit on me, it means I super hot, dey, even gays like me. So, now,  I welcome the hitting on.

I'm So Tired
The Beatles

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No,no,no.

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid get.

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind

Next year I'm gonna be a nerd. I mean, I'm almost all the way there already: no life, as attractive as a Micheal Moore documentary, no interest in sports whatsoever and the jocks pick on me. All I have to do is get smart.


Imma gonna get me suspenders and thick ol' glasses like this guy and wrap a celophane tape 'round the bridge. And make nerd jokes like, "Captain, there's a blip on the radar... oh, never mind - it was a bug."

I have a friend who's rather down. So here's a song for that person. About this song, McCartney said:

"One night during this tense time I had a dream I saw my mum, who'd been dead ten years or so. And it was great to see her because that's a wonderful thing about dreams, you actually are reunited with that person for a second... In the dream she said, 'It'll be alright.' I'm not sure if she used the words 'Let it be' but that was the gist of her advice, it was 'Don't worry too much, it will turn out okay.' It was such a sweet dream I woke up thinking, 'Oh, it was really great to visit with her again.' I felt very blessed to have that dream.
"It gave me some strength."

I hope it gives you strength also. I mean, your name's a palindrome, for goodness sake! How can anyone with a palindromic name feel down for so long? Cheer up, eh?

The video quality is a little shitty though. But you get the message, eh? I just realized I sound Canadian with all the ehs.

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

When all the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
there will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Yeah, let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
There will be no sorrow
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
There will be no sorrow
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

How many times have you read your favourite book? 2, 3 times? Or are you one of those bastards who say, "I've read it already, it was nice but why would I read it again?"

Some movies I've watched many times and I would watch that much time again: LotR, Shawshank Redemption, Across the Universe, Gladiator, Nightmare before Christmas and so on. But I'm surrounded with people who aren't like me. That's one of the biggest challenge I go through everyday here. People watch a movie or read books they claim their favourite once, never heard of the icons of the 60s-70s, can't go into philosophical debates without getting angry and cutting short the arguments and whatever. God, I miss Nurlin, Bedah, Barry, Fauzi and others.

But, I'm digressing. My favourite books is David Gemmell's Morningstar. I ran across it when I was in my fantasy-reading days. You know, Magic the Gathering, Lone Wolf, Choose Your Own Adventure and so on. Lke so many geeks of my day, fantasy was the gateway out of the grim reality where you're not good in anything: not in studies, not in sports, not in social life. You have no friends, you have nothing in common with anybody, enter fantasy.

I like this book because it has something in common with a manga I was obsessed with in those days, Misteri Naga or Dai no Daibouken! Basically,  in the center of these works is a group of companions who go on a quest. Again, maybe this attracted me because I never belonged in my early childhood.

Anyway, Morningstar:



You take a romantic bard, that is, a singer or performer for you fantasy-illiterates, who believe in the legends of the pure heroes and ultimate evils, and put him with Jarek Mace, a thief, seducer, occasional murderer during an invasion by a super army. Starting with a robbery that was mistaken as an act of rebellion, our narrator, the bard Owen Odell, saw how a petty criminal was changed into a beacon of hope, a hero that became a legend and stood against the invasion army, against his wishes, I might add. What I like about this novel are the characterizations of the players, the fact that they're humans. You can understand the conflicts within the characters. You feel them. At the end of the book, when I say goodbye to Odell and Mace, I always feel the same thing that I do whenever I leave Malaysia and all the people there; the characters are that real. Then, the process of hero-worshipping is, I feel, accurately described: how the flaws of the heroes are slowly forgotten and the virtues exaggerated with time. Gemmell also gave some of his philosophical views. He wrote on why the man, who murders and robs, and goes back to a loving family is much worse than a demon from the pits of hell. I've read this book more than five times, easy. It's not as heavy as the Lord of the Rigns, or too simple like, say, Gaiman's Stardust and Coraline. Oh, and there are vampires, too.

A definite reccomendation, along with Gemmell's Knights of the Dark Renown, the Eddingses' Redemption of Althalus, Neil Gaiman's Stardust, DBC Pierre's Vernon God Little, Yann Martel's Life of Pi and others that I cannot remember now. Ooh, Watership Down by Richard Adams too!

Such a corny title, ain't it? But that's the perfect title to my latest and probably last entry for quite a long time.

As the exams are advancing towards me, I wished, nay, prayed, that I would and could study more. The wish was granted around 4am this morning. My fucking computer blew up on me. So here I am, using another's to blog. Am I pissed? I was. Am I glad and thankful? Now, yes, because there's almost 0 temptations for me already. I have been doing rather badly this last semester and mayhaps the computer dying on me is the best thing that could happen before the exams. I've decided not to send the thing to the shop, or if I do, I won't take it back until after the exam. Keeping my fingers crossed, crescented and star-of-davided.

The only thing I really am regretting or not happy with is that I didn't get to convert the two Gemmell books I want to PRC so that I could send it to my phone to read. Oh, ho-hum. Maybe that's a temptation averted too.

As such, I won't be blogging very much till I get the thing fixed. My last exam will be on the 27th.

So, continuing on with my tradition: do pray, make lucky charms and/or sell your soul to Satan himself for my exams, eh?

edit:

P.S: If you want to prove what a good friend you are, you can buy me a laptop with good gaming capabilities. Just tell the sales assistant good enough to play Oblivion smoothly.

P.S: I love you. I just had to drop a Beatles' song title whenever I could. As I write this letter, send my love to you, remember that I always, be in love with you...

P.S: And currently I'm not in love, if you don't get it, 'cept with the girl in blue on the previous post. Ahhhhh so cute. Giggle giggle.